Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Tarantino meets Fantastic Mr Fox

Devastation. Imagine walking to the chicken coop and coming across a scene of blood, feathers, dead bodies and gore. No, you're not on the set of a Tarantino movie. It's them thar pesky animals, goddammit. Foxes are prevalent in these parts so that means you have to be very careful if you keep hens, ducks and small livestock. Cuddly, bushy, fluffy, fantastic Mr Fox pops up everywhere, but he can be a blood-thirsty creature. If you like fresh eggs for breakfast, remember that he's is a predator and will wipe out a coopful of chickens if a door is left ajar or wire netting is not secure.
If you fear for the safety of your girls, as we do for Martha (pictured) and the Vandellas, then your sympathies may be divided when it comes to culling Reynard who can occasionally be seen in the fields behind us during the day as well as in the twilight and long hours of night. He is a persistent, intelligent fellow and is not easily frightened off. Many locals feel a blast from a shotgun or rifle is the easiest way to deal with him, although a cleverly-laid humane trap can sometimes solve the problem, too. Catch him, release him elsewhere and just hope his inbuilt satnav doesn't work when he tries to find his way home. "At the first opportunity, turn round and go back..."
What are you staring at? Martha has great attitude 
Treating a wild animal in such a humane fashion reminds me of welfare-friendly mousetraps. Good idea and certainly fashionable, but have you tried them? They don't always work, do they? You can't really beat a mischievous moggy or a cheap basic wooden mousetrap laced with something tasty when it comes to resolving your rodent rage.
I also notice that the mole catcher in our area advertises humane traps on the side of his van. Some of the older gentlemen in our village, who have worked on the land for most of their lives, are amused by such a notion. "Set a few scissor traps and you'll soon get rid of the buckin' little sods," advised old Tom when referring to the small hills of soil appearing in the neighbour's large garden. Mole control, by old-stager Tom. Yes, pop pickers, a vague reference to Space Oddity. You have to think outside the box if you live in these 'ere parts.
By the way, did you notice the subtle way Tom replaced "f" with "b"? It's a Fenlander's way of being polite while swearing. Manners maketh man.

No comments:

Post a Comment