Lady Di and High St Ken v Bacon rolls on High St Fens

Oh Noah! I think I'll need an ark today rather than a car for my weekly trip to that great metropolis known as London.

Royal residence: Kensington Palace was the home of Lady
Diana from 1981. These gates were covered in floral tributes
after her death in the summer of 1997. Was it that long ago?

Ooh, arr, I'm venturing south, unlike my amiable 30-something neighbour who has never been to the capital.
"It's a lorng way, inet," he says with an accent you might perhaps associate with Long John Silver [YouTube, Talk like a Pirate, 1950s Robert Newton.avi] and the Singing Postman [YouTube, Allan Smethurst - Hev you got a loight boy?], all rolled into one.
"And what wud I wanna to goo there for? Everything I needs is 'ere. I'll stay in these parts, thank you very murch."
That's the Fens, folks.
It's a mucky, murky, horrible, dank day. Yes, we expect April showers, but it's cold and windy, with temperatures below average; it rains hard, then it stops; then there's more of the same. At least we had the odd blast of sunshine yesterday when the weather was more like a pair of my socks - occasional good spells, damp, changeable and certainly unpredictable!
Three weeks ago [April 5] our water authority declared a hosepipe ban because of drought conditions. Since then, we've had non-stop rain. And yet March was generally dry and temperatures were some of the hottest on record, according to the Met Office. Phew, scorchio!
Took my car for a good clean a couple of days ago but now it's almost as dirty as before. The Fen roads get very muddy and dangerous because of the agricultural vehicles going to and from the fields and signs saying "Mud on the road" are about the only concession farmers make to road users [see also Road Rage post].
The hens - Martha and the Vandellas - have really churned up their compound which is similar to the Somme battlefield even though we let them wander about in the paddock. Unlike our girls, the goats are very weather-aware and the first spot of rain sees them rush to the shelter of their stable. They are canny animals, though, and always post a lookout at the door so that when the rain stops they know it's safe to head back outside.
I will have to take care on these roads as I travel to the capital for a long shift in the office. Yes, the hurly burly of the big city. What a contrast it is to the wind-battered mucky Fens.

Square route: a place with history

Nice but pricey: the Scarsdale pub

Chelsea tractors [expensive four-wheel drive cars] instead of the genuine John Deere variety, clean streets without a hint of mud, smart, famous and expensively-dressed people tripping down High Street Ken(sington), heading for a trendy coffee shop or posh restaurant, spending big in expensive fashion outlets, browsing in antique shops or buying odds and sods from upmarket charity shops, because it makes them feel good. And all this activity against a backdrop of some beautiful buildings, many of them historic. And, of course, world-famous Kensington Palace, and the Royal Albert Hall are just a short hop away. Kensington Palace, once the home of Lady Di, has now reopened after a two-year £12million refurbishment. [http://www.hrp.org.uk/kensingtonpalace/]
Wonder what she would have thought about the Fens? She must have been aware of the area because we are less than an hour's drive from Sandringham, another royal abode.
But as much as I enjoy London and all her charms, I'm always relieved and glad to get back, away from traffic jams, road rage, congestion charges, friendless faces, the unreliable Tube [signal failures are rife in heavy rain] and exorbitant prices placed on the privilege of being in the capital.
We actually have a shop in our village, you know. Well, it's a general stores, off licence and Post Office selling everything and anything and the lovely people who run it work very hard and long hours.
They have withstood some sharp competition, too, but one of their competitors closed about a year ago and the other on our High Street shut down a few weeks ago. That will open again soon under a different guise, as a cafe and small bakery. Large bap for you, sir? Has Sid James walked in? Or would you prefer a roll? Not something you often hear in Kensington.
There's also an excellent restaurant and we still have a pub in this village.
OK, we don't have magnificent rows of Georgian houses like Edwardes Square which is just off High Street Ken and our recently-revamped pub bears no comparison to The Scarsdale Tavern which nestles in the royal borough's quieter quarter.
Yet my stay in good ol' London Town won't be for long. I'll savour that mug of steaming coffee when I return home, then slip on my old muddy boots and venture out into the windy Fenscape. Possibly at about the same time as some residents are putting on their Le Chameau Wellington boots and wandering through the private central garden in Edwardes Square.